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The whole "Nice Guy" and "Bad Boy" debate

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  • The whole "Nice Guy" and "Bad Boy" debate

    Okay I am becoming more and more confused as to what women want, how I am supposed to be. Now I was raised well I feel with good morals, I treat people with respect and I rarely talk or gossip behind other people's back. I guess people consider me a "Nice Guy" yet I don't kiss up to others or women or brag actually others tell me I am "quietly confident", humble I suppose. I mean I believe In being a good, nice person yet having his own life outside women (which I am still working on) and being more bold in my sexuality. I hear this a lot too today (no joke) that "bad boys are in right now". Like it's "cool" or something as if it's a trend. Wer'e constantly told that "Nice guys don't get laid" and that being an "asshole" or treating women like crap is the really the only way to get a woman's interest. Maybe it's just me but I can't do the whole "asshole" thing it's just not in my nature. I believe in being a good person without being a doormat and at a woman's every beck and call. I mean look back at the old movies in the 1930's/1940's men were nice, polite and good men yet they didn't let women walk all over them and they were in charge of the relationship and made the desisions. They took the lead. I hear this a lot too "he's too nice" and "Nice guys are boring" maybe I am wrong here but I am thinking maybe it could that "Nice Guys" aren't turning women on because they're not sexual or coming across as sexual to women, hence why being too nice and friendly results guys being put in the "friendzone". I truly don't believe a man should need to be "bad" or treat women with direspect to attract them. That doesn't make sense to me. The way I see it is women fall for the "Bad Boys" because they're open with their sexuality and have a lot of confidence. Come on no sane woman in her right mind wants a guy to beat her or be abusive.

    What do you guys think? I kind of think the whole "Nice guys finish last" statement is bullshit because you don't have to be mean or "bad" to get women.

  • #2
    You should stop caring too much about what women want, and care more about what YOU want.
    Dec 27, 2009
    Starting: NBPELxGirth: 4 x 4
    Feb 28, 2010
    NBPELxGirth: 4 1/8 x 4 1/8
    April 03, 2010
    NBPELxGirth: 4 1/4 x 4 1/8
    April 14, 2010
    NBPELxGirth: 4 5/8 x 4 1/8
    June 03, 2010
    NBPELxGirth: 4 3/4 x 4 1/8
    August 06, 2013
    NBPELxGirth: 5 1/8 x 4 2/8
    September 2, 2014
    NBPELxGirth: 4 6/8 x 4 3/8

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    • #3
      Nice guys cum last. Make sure she cums first then you won't have many problems with her. I read an interesting report once, it was about celibate buddhist monks, and how these guys have no ego whatsoever, they have absolute integrity and wouldn't hurt a fly. There is a belief that sex feeds the ego, and often the "badboys" and "players" are arrogant jerks. Women aren't necessarily attracted to them because they're badboys, but if they put out an air of confidence, women will regard this to mean sexual prowess, like well he must have a reason to be confident.

      To go out and try to cultivate the persona of a "player" is plain wrong. Don't live a lie. The reason i pe is cos i want to be the full package, i mean i've heard it all from girls- oh you're the nicest guy around, you're such a cutie, a perfect gentleman, but the thing that let me down was sexual confidence. I'm gradually gaining that. I like to hear i'm a nice guy, but i also want to hear Wow, you blew me away last night.

      I think girls, younger ones especially, see it as one or the other- either you're long-term bf, nice guy material, or you're guaranteed good times sexual material, i think i want to be the best of both worlds, then i can have anything in life i desire, including any girl i want.

      So don't be a d-bag cos you think it will get you girls, be who YOU are, make yourself the best you can be, and when the girls realise that as well as being a gentleman you can also rock their world, your cup will runneth over.

      Comment


      • #4
        First off, I TOTALLY agree with what 4toX said...........stop giving a shit what women want and start concerning yourself with what YOU want.

        If a woman digs you, she digs you. There's no rhyme or reason for it. My last gf liked the rocker type.........long haired guy in a rock band.........yeah, that aint me at all. I'm short haired, respectable with the standard 8-5 gig yet I treated her with respect while at the same time being my own boss and person and she and I did just fine for 15 months until her neurotic ways took their toll and we parted ways.

        My current gf LOVES the gentleman type............hold the door open for her, treat her with respect, so forth and so on. She's still getting used to how I operate as her ex husband treated her like shit (how often have we heard THAT before??) and her ex boyfriend cheated on her (as did her husband for that matter) so she's got some baggage yet she leaves the baggage at the front door and doesn't hold me accountable for what the past men in her life did.

        The main thing here is don't try to change yourself for what a woman wants. Be who YOU are and do what makes YOU happy.............the right one will come along man, I guarantee it.
        It's a tough job being good looking and hung :-)

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        • #5
          Originally posted by ErictheGed View Post
          To go out and try to cultivate the persona of a "player" is plain wrong. Don't live a lie. The reason i pe is cos i want to be the full package, i mean i've heard it all from girls- oh you're the nicest guy around, you're such a cutie, a perfect gentleman, but the thing that let me down was sexual confidence. I'm gradually gaining that.
          Same here I think the problem with us "Nice Guys" is that we lack sexual confidence and don't usually make our sexual interest obvious to women (or it could be just me). A girl the other week said to me "you have nice eyes", "I think you're kind of cute", "you seem like a nice guy". She then asked for my number despite having a boyfriend, she told me something about "I shop around" meaning if she likes a certain guy she will dump the one she is seeing or cheat. Also I have been thinking "Bad Boys" aren't necessarily bad people rather it's largely a methaphor to describe men with sexual confidence, lover types if you will. I think that's what women mean when they say they want a "Bad Boy" because no woman wants a man to treat her like crap and abuse her. I get the impession that "Nice Guys" are lacking in the sexuality part and that's another thing I believe what women mean when they "you're too nice" means "you're not acting like a man" or "you're not sexual". I still believe in being a gentleman, a good guy but I do have issues with sexual confidence.

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          • #6
            Great subject UKGuy,
            I think the main thing any guy can do to improve himself is doing things that increase confidence. At one point I got into reading about Pick- up techniques etc - but eventually decided you have to be yourself, or you could meet your future wife - whilst masquerading as someone you really aren't.

            Personally - I do not really want a girl who wants to be treated badly, to me it says she has issues. I feel it is no basis for a relationship.

            I fall into the 'nice guy' category myself & am constantly monitoring myself, so as not to be overly nice.
            Vulcan
            7.25 (start July 2009)>>>>>>8.125"BPEL (current)
            5.25 (start July 2009)>>>>>>5.75"EG (current)

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            • #7
              Nice guys get wives bad boys get laid. Many of my friends are "bad boys" and they tell me all the time I'm lucky to have such a good relationship. Some of my friends are getting into that age were their friends are getting married and having kids and they feel pressure to settle down but they can't find good relationships. Also as you age you will find more and more girls are tired of the bad boys and start looking for better more mature woman. Hell I've found this out and Im only 20 ( friends Im talking about are 25-30). An important thing mentioned here is confidence. Many people say I'm one of the nicest people they know but I'm that funny and I'm very nonchalant. So be yourself, up your self esteem, and alway know there is someone out there for you, cause the odds are in your favor.

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              • #8
                Younger immature girls always go for bad guys. The older she gets, the less attracted she will feel to these types. She will start looking for a provider to settle down with.

                Women are fickle creatures. I think they want escape from boredom as much as the guys do. I know of many housewives who have been seduced by bad boys , while at the same time I know of a few women married to bad boy type dominant guys cheating with smooth types like poets , artists etc.

                I dont think we have to be bad boys to get women , we just have to be confident enough to approach girls . I feel most of us are shy approaching women , and that is where the problem is. How the hell can we expect the women to make the first move and then we complain that we dont get women.

                Women will always crave a short fling with a bad boy type just for the experience but in the long run she will always go the decent , confident , well to do good guy.

                So my advice will be to be yourself , invest in some good clothing , be clean and well groomed and most importantly be confident and approach women. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a confident man who knows what he wants.

                Good luck

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                • #9
                  As long as you act as an independent man with your own opinions and interest you can be either.
                  Women don't want guys doing everything they say, guys without life outside the relationship.
                  Log
                  Measurements (Current):
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                  • #10
                    Thanks guys. Trust me I have no interest in being pussywhipped and giving up idenity and my interests for women. This is a big problem though for me being 25 and a virgin (yes I know I am only to blame, it doesn't make things any better though) but I honestly feel like I don't know how to seduce women and let's face it we are supposed to know after all if we can't seduce women therefore we can't mate and have sex. On a rare occasion I go out with a girl either they never phone back or I get the "let's just be friends" line. I am pretty sure in the past I failed a "test" when a girl said did I like her a lot and I made that obvious to her. Now I know I don't want to get married, a longterm relationship yes but not marriage. LIke many guys I want to be able to go out and attract women, seduce them without "luck" yet still be myself you know not putting on some fake "Bad Boy" act. Yeah I tried it a few times being a "Bad Boy" and it just felt fake. It just doesn't feel like me. Like I have said before I consider myself a good guy, a "Nice Guy" I am polite and respect most people yet I am no doormat and I never kiss up to others or women either. To be honest I don't want to wait for years like when I am 40 odd years old and get a woman who she is really "settling" for. Just like women want to feel feminine and desired I want to (most men want to) feel macho, masculine and sexually attractive to women, not that guy women want because they want to have a kid (or worst to take care of someone else's kid). Do you know what I mean? I don't like the idea of being second best and it's a known fact a lot of women settle with the men they marry.
                    Last edited by UKGuy; 05-09-2010, 04:58 PM.

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                    • #11
                      You should just be yourself, & therefore authentic. That way you are more likely to experience meaningful adult relationships. Plus don't over think all of this.
                      Vulcan
                      7.25 (start July 2009)>>>>>>8.125"BPEL (current)
                      5.25 (start July 2009)>>>>>>5.75"EG (current)

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                      • #12
                        What's most important for women is that YOU have to have the power, not her. If she finds it's possible for her to usurp your power from you, you're screwed. If you wanna be nice to a woman, be nice to her, but ONLY on your own terms. Don't do shit she asks you to every time she does it. Do them when the initiative is yours.
                        I like making my wee wee larger

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by UKGuy View Post
                          Thanks guys. Trust me I have no interest in being pussywhipped and giving up idenity and my interests for women. This is a big problem though for me being 25 and a virgin (yes I know I am only to blame, it doesn't make things any better though) but I honestly feel like I don't know how to seduce women and let's face it we are supposed to know after all if we can't seduce women therefore we can't mate and have sex. On a rare occasion I go out with a girl either they never phone back or I get the "let's just be friends" line. I am pretty sure in the past I failed a "test" when a girl said did I like her a lot and I made that obvious to her. Now I know I don't want to get married, a longterm relationship yes but not marriage. LIke many guys I want to be able to go out and attract women, seduce them without "luck" yet still be myself you know not putting on some fake "Bad Boy" act. Yeah I tried it a few times being a "Bad Boy" and it just felt fake. It just doesn't feel like me. Like I have said before I consider myself a good guy, a "Nice Guy" I am polite and respect most people yet I am no doormat and I never kiss up to others or women either. To be honest I don't want to wait for years like when I am 40 odd years old and get a woman who she is really "settling" for. Just like women want to feel feminine and desired I want to (most men want to) feel macho, masculine and sexually attractive to women, not that guy women want because they want to have a kid (or worst to take care of someone else's kid). Do you know what I mean? I don't like the idea of being second best and it's a known fact a lot of women settle with the men they marry.

                          Dude, I think you're putting WAY too much pressure on yourself. You seem to be fighting an internal battle between being a "nice guy" and being a "bad boy". From where I'm sitting, it's quite apparent your trying very, very hard to find a girl and I'm sure the girls your talking to most likely pick up on this as well. It's often said love will find you when you least expect it. Then again, it could also be that you being 25 and still a virgin is bothering you as well. Dude, there's nothing wrong with that (if that's the problem).

                          As for women settling for the men they marry, all I can say is I don't know where you're getting your statistics from BUT, I can assure you that my ex wife didn't settle for me, my mom didn't settle for my dad and my sister and sister in law didn't settle for their husbands either. So this whole notion that it's a known fact that alot of women settle for the men they marry is alot of rubbish. Life is too short to settle for ANYONE. I'd rather be alone the rest of my days than settle for anyone. I know who and what I am and I know the kind of women it'll take to make me happy and this time I've hopefully found her.

                          As for your situation UKguy, seriously, stop trying so hard and just be who and what you are. You will find a woman who'll eventually appreciate you for you.
                          It's a tough job being good looking and hung :-)

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                          • #14
                            ill share my story with you...i used to be a badass guy. dated girls for a week had oral and hand sex with them and it was done. now i had a nice side too, thats why i didnt have intercourse with them. i was going to save that with the ONE, and it was about last week when i completely lost my virginity to this girl i love. im a nice guy now, other girls tell me that, i even have them after me, even thought they know i have a gf. i wouldnt leave my gf for anyone and thats legit. i take charge in bed, because girls dig that, at least from my experiences. ive only had six gf's including my current one and i know shes my last. i used to not give a fuck either. i would fight for the stupidest reasons so im hardened like that. therefore im a nice guy, who knows how to protect his belongings, and im also a beast in bed...yeah im confident for i hear stories of most guys lasting a short time in bed. what a gurl wants in my opinion, is a guy who is nice to her, that wont treat her like shit, but also a guy with a tough side so she feels protected, and better yet a guy who knows his stuff in bed. heck i lost my virginity not long ago and im confident about myself...and she digs that. basically, make yourself happy before anyone alse does. i they dont like the real you then have them fuck off...

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by MrBigDick View Post
                              Dude, I think you're putting WAY too much pressure on yourself. You seem to be fighting an internal battle between being a "nice guy" and being a "bad boy". From where I'm sitting, it's quite apparent your trying very, very hard to find a girl and I'm sure the girls your talking to most likely pick up on this as well. It's often said love will find you when you least expect it. Then again, it could also be that you being 25 and still a virgin is bothering you as well. Dude, there's nothing wrong with that (if that's the problem).
                              Yeah I think part of my problem is I am always wanting women, a woman, looking for signals of attractions etc. Consciously and unconsciously clearly it isn't doing me any favours. I try and be natural, or aloof and indifferent but yeah it's always on my mind to some degree. It's ironic that women usually stare me down or show interest when I am not thinking about them or paying attention to them, when I am enjoying or doing something with other people. I admit though I don't often approach women because I worry women will see me nothing more than a "friend" either due to me being boring, not knowing to say or lacking sexual confidence or something. I mean yeah I have said before I am a decent guy a "Nice Guy" but I am not overly nice to women or kiss up to others either. I know I need to be a "Man" with women but it's easy for those to say who get women and who have no trouble getting laid and girfriends. Clearly there is an issue but I just can't put my finger on it. I don't think my conversation skills are that great so I am getting to know others more by being friendly and charming trying to make friends rahther than try to get laid. I mean I wouldn't say I am socially inept but making proper friends isn't that easy for me either and I mean friends who actually want to hang out with you and enjoy your company you know?

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