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(New) well, come to my world

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  • (New) well, come to my world


    I came here with my mom whispering (in my head): "mmmhhh, what are you doing, don't make it grow, you're superficial".

    My dad would say: "you're ok, but if you wan't it bigger, that's allright". He would encourage me in my project.

    Thought, judgment from my mom are amplified since one day. The one day I explored under the bed while I was 4 with a friend of mine who was the same age. I remember the thrill, and I remember my mom. She spoke to both of us while referring to our exploration: "you didn't made anything under the bed, don't you?". That was the words I remember from that day which came with an image or few, but a moment that I can even see with my mom: her pointing finger threatening me. Into that cristallized moment, I know it's me that should have been mad. So, what solidified my internal chemistry, is the image of her being mad that came with the sad lyric of judging me while saying nothing, letting me appart.

    I had two concussion. With my second one, I wanted to go to sleep which happens not because the guys in the ambulance were yelling at me to stay: "who's your dad and mom? who's your brother sister? What's your name?" "I JUST WANT TO SLEEP FOR A WHILE" was the real though i would have liked to say, but i didn't had energy for it and my wishes didn't came to reality, so here I am. I guess this was the second traumatizing moment. I will go to the psychiatry to get diagnose.

    Anyhow, I studied chemistry, became a good ultimate frisbee player, got injured and changed the plan for my career. Instead of 'taking care' of the World with ideas I learned from matters transformation, I decided to let go words words and words and get backward a little bit closer to my Self and what constructed me. While analyzing me, I took massage techniques, but a master took my erection for a consent. I told him that I wanted to be professionnal, he said yes. But he mock of me putting back my underwear and I guess I offered him my body. So I got traumatized by this men. Though, in term of law, by right, what is wrong is what that men does. But what sounded wrong in that was not him wanted to have fun, it was more occurate to me that I should guide him and learn him consent with a safe space and a non-judgment listening. I gave my rapist what my mom should have given me. Anyhow, from the point of vue of my living states, I don't see much differences between my mom and my rapist: they both didn't listened to me, leaving me alone: but we're always alone aren't we? Opposing to law, by internal fact, from my memory, this was an opening door to my pattern, my behaviors, my insecurities, my guilts. In Quebec, if we have courage to do so, we can go to a place which is addressed to victims (CAVAC): they heard me, and I started a long day's journey into night. I got into my owns realisation and started to integrate what was me to make sense.

    Once, I loved a men. I was straight (hetero), but I went to him because of love. This happened before my rape. People around me encourages me to fit in that straight-hetero thing. Though I recognize myself into heteronormativity, I'm also gay. Even feminist friends judged me because I sometime make jokes about being gay, I include myself in those jokes and I appropriate the terms. But those friends believe I'm a straight violent guy who's mad and bad and they clearly don't see me as I am and never got any interest into this: preferring hating the men I am because of some men who hate women. Hating for hate, etc. So I don't really believe I should justify myself of making jokes when I'm with friends, I just believe those type of friends should start not being violent about me not being a straight. Be I cannot force them to see me like I am.

    In sexuality: I don't like doing cunnilingus, I prefer sucking. I do really like putting my finger into a vagina: it's so soft. I'm an haptic guy, I realllyyyyy realllyyyy love caress. I loooove to slowly petting vagina. I love breasts, small ones, I think I prefer them small. Big breast when it's hidden by a sweater I love it, but when it comes to bed, this is too much for me. I love fooooooot! When I penetrate, they go into my mouth. I love dicks, in my mouth too! I don't particularly like licking asses or vulva, but really, it's easier to warm and stretch an ass with a finger when the person has a vagina warmed. We have an active role in sexuality, I discovered being penetrated. This is marvellous. The role of enjoying, the letting go action is very very joyfull. Really, when I'm fucked by someone I like or who respect my, I don't care of not having an orgasm. Each soft entry is joyfull in itself. But for me, it has to be tender and slow at first (which I know can be hard when we're excited!!!)

    For real, I've always acted like a feminist. If i were a women, I would be a prostitute. I give so much love, care, attention, listening. I give women time, assurance in bed, slow sex, tantric stuff. But for real, I'm being bored, very very very bored of putting so much effort and having them saying: "mens are bad, they just want to penetrate". So yes, lying to my self for so long, I wan't to fuck. Bored of securing womens and exploring their internal organs, doing the stuff for her. Bored of giving my heart to everyone each day, but they only see in me a potential oppressor, really, I'm pissed that heir perception take so much space in the way I see and feel the world. Exhausted, destroyed, and seen like bad. It's easier being with a men, because I perceive less pressure and the communication is more easy.

    So from now on, I stop giving free attention to women, because too often it give them opportunities to cover my silence of reproaches. There are some that are good to say. But they uses silence to cover me under their conception of men and express their pain and expel it on me. Enough. So I must go backward to see What's the matter with my hard extrior shell to discover my soft flesh (like shakespeare say 'Words words words'). In order, I must find the link between subjects. And the subjects, linked in the stuff of my world, are me and my mom.

    Like my sister said to my mom: "I don't care what you think of mascara and hair, I'll shave myself and give myself confidence in beauty". Even if it's superficial, what I want is a bigger head. I mean, on my dick. I'll get free of those judgments and continue on my good behaviors. Because it's fun to give listening, love and everything. It's just that I've been forced to be the perfect love of my mom. And I'm ready to listen to my profound or superficial self, judge it whatever you want. I want a bigged dick, just a little!

    The idea of having a bigger dick secures me. I also want a bigger head and to last a bit longer. I didn't looked a lot on the forum, because there is lot of information. I would like to have some help. Are there gentlemen who can help me?!

    So I was thinking of a routine like:
    5min heating
    5min Stretching with kegels
    10min Jelq

    5 days a week.

    1. Is it possible the get bigger head? My dick is a bit hard and a bit large with a small head compared to the reste of it, so I want more volume to my head for a soft entry. I have picture of my head in my personnal photo, can you see it. I forced to get blow into it and have a better appearance.
    2. Do you have exercice to do in a passive way with one hand while gaming to diablo II? :d
    3. I'd like to gain in flaccid I guess, it comes by itself.
    4. Wishes for progress: BPEL: 18,5 -> 22cm and girth: 14,5 -> 15,5cm. Bigger head.

    Thanks for reading me,
    Thanks guy for developping this website, for your time,
    Thanks guy for making live this website, for your passion,
    Last edited by charlee; 07-21-2021, 08:26 AM.

  • #2

    Yeah! Welcome to the forums here. Be sure to read the info in the START HERE area. Lots of good info for beginners and we also encourage starting a progress log so that you and other members can track what you been doing and offer advice. Best of luck to ya!
    Progress Log | Extender Progress Log
    Recommended Routine
    2016 (5 1/2 x 4 1/2) > 2017 (7 5/8 x 5 5/8) > Jan 2020 (7 3/4 x 5 3/4) > Sept 2020 (8 x 5 3/4)
    BPEL Gains: 2.5" | MEG Gains: 1.25"


    • #3
      Hello Charles,

      1. Yeah sure it's possible. Squeezes, clamping, pumping and jelqing work.

      2. Pumping or clamping.

      3. First you will see flaccid gains then later erect gains follow.

      4. Sounds realistic, may the gains be with you.
      Last edited by Alex1988; 07-21-2021, 08:36 AM.
      Start 7.28 x 4.88 Current 8.11 x 5.43


      • #4
        Thanks to both of you!

        I'll read again the start area and try to make a routine with sqeezes, clamp, pump and jelq.

        I think I'll look for your routine Alex1988! I'd like the same progress!


        • #5
          Wecome to the site .
          There is support out there for people with aquired brain injury.


          • #6
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            • #7