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Sometimes, maybe it IS your partner's fault!

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  • Sometimes, maybe it IS your partner's fault!

    OK, let's talk: I've been in an LTR for sixteen years. We met on the internet. She came to see me. Three minutes after she came in the door, we were in bed. We stayed there the next three days, except to go out to eat. It was porn sex, amazing! Her body was everything I could ask for, no lie. I was 52 at the time. She was 49. I was seeing two other women. All knew about each other. Eventually, I settled down with Mary. She moved in three weeks after we met. Things were great UNTIL damn menopause changed everything! That happened six years into our relationship. Suddenly, my body was too hot, it made her hot, temp-wise. The house was too warm, too cold, too whatever.... My beard was too scratchy. She was tired, she was not in the mood.
    The really strange thing, though: Her body was always, and still is always, in the mood: Large, hard clit, very wet vagina. Always. However, things kept getting worse: She gained forty pounds over the next ten years. To fight that, I started getting into fat girl porn. That worked, for a good while. About five years ago, she developed a really fun habit: As soon as I reached for her, she'd start yawning!! Yeah, that's not a dick wilter, right? I'd buy her sexy outfits, complete with Louboos. She's worn a few of those outfits maybe four times, total, in sixteen damn years! Also, with her added weight, our perfect fit was effected: Before, I didn't need a steel hard penis to stay inside her. Now, I do. Before, I felt little ridges that excited me. Now, it's like having sex with a bowl of jello that's trying to push me out!

    About a few months before I turned 68, I started noticing that my penis was starting to soften, about ten minutes into intercourse. There was a lack of feeling. I'd withdraw, go down on her, which she sometimes doesn't seem to like, that much, she'd come, or ask me to stop, and then I'd mount her face. I'd come. Things were OK, for the most part.

    Now, things are not great. We still have sex every three days, or so, but I'm not rock hard, anymore. Half the time, I have to abandon ship before the big finish. My anxiety grows as my penis does the opposite......

    I would like to have sex with another woman, just to see if i can still play Mr. Superstud, but in this day and age, there's zero chance I'll do that. So what do I do? Mary and I separated a few years ago, for eighteen days. Parting sex was phenomenal, fwiw. I went out with seven women in ten days. All were horrible, no lie! I never had any urge to mess with any of them. Mary came back. Get-back sex was also amazing.

    I now have Cialis in my med cabinet. I tried a half tab of the smallest dose, a month ago. Meh.....

    I don't want to be alone, at 70. I like having Mary around. She retired a year ago, so she's here a lot more. No problems with that. We get along pretty well.

    I do have a feeling that with the right woman, I would probably not have any ED problems, but I don't know. I'm not into "pay for play" action.

    What to do, what to do......

    Weigh in here, guys. Do you sometimes think that your ED is not your fault, but your partner's? Have you sought out other women? What happened with that?

    Any and all replies are appreciated. Thanks!

  • #2
    Sounds like both of you went through mid-life changes. Normal. She experienced pretty typical menopausal and post-menopausal symptoms. These can be controlled to a degree with hormone replacement therapy and certain other meds. You may have also developed age related ED, which is not unusual for your age. The Cialis you got can help a large percent of guys, but taking "half tab of the smallest dose" is 1.25mg and not enough to do much, if anything, for most guys. Even if it was half of a 5mg tab, that's not enough to help alot of guys if they just take it once.

    To your question - can ED be related to the other person - sure. Most mature guys require sexual stimulation of some sort to get an erection. If a guy can't get stimulated about having sex with a particular woman, then you just might not get hard for her. I imagine many of us on here can think of some sexual partner who was just a turn-off sexually at some point and their unit just couldn't get/stay up for the occasion.

    Here's an inside tip. The treatment protocol for ED often includes things for the guy's partner to be involved with to help "cure" his ED. Truth be known and the docs don't always admit to this, but this part of the protocol is largely meant to teach the partner how to better stimulate the guy.
    Last edited by Physdoc; 07-04-2021, 07:36 AM.
    Start: BPEL 6.75', EG 5.8", BPFL 4.5", FG 4.7", BPFSL 7.0"
    05/2021: BPEL 7.65, EG 6.0, BPFL 5.8, FG 5.0", BPFSL 8.0"
    Goal: BPEL 8.0", EG 6.0", BPFL 5.75" FG 5.0", BPFSL 8.5"

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Physdoc View Post
      Sounds like both of you went through mid-life changes. Normal. She experienced pretty typical menopausal and post-menopausal symptoms. These can be controlled to a degree with hormone replacement therapy and certain other meds. You may have also developed age related ED, which is not unusual for your age. The Cialis you got can help a large percent of guys, but taking "half tab of the smallest dose" is 1.25mg and not enough to do much, if anything, for most guys. Even if it was half of a 5mg tab, that's not enough to help alot of guys if they just take it once.

      To your question - can ED be related to the other person - sure. Most mature guys require sexual stimulation of some sort to get an erection. If a guy can't get stimulated about having sex with a particular woman, then you just might not get hard for her. I imagine many of us on here can think of some sexual partner who was just a turn-off sexually at some point and their unit just couldn't get/stay up for the occasion.

      Here's an inside tip. The treatment protocol for ED often includes things for the guy's partner to be involved with to help "cure" his ED. Truth be known and the docs don't always admit to this, but this part of the protocol is largely meant to teach the partner how to better stimulate the guy.
      Thanks! I greatly appreciate your feedback, here.

      Comment


      • #4
        I think the weight is a major issue. 40 pounds is alot on a woman. She probably doesnt feel sexy. And great sex always starts in the brain.

        Dont mention her weight but say you want a health kick, get rid of the junk food in the house, shes retired, ask her to go on daily brisk walks etc

        I bet if she loses weight, she'll feel frisker and feel/look more like her old self for you.
        Last edited by tara123; 07-04-2021, 10:19 AM.

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        • #5
          I agree with tara123 and physdoc. What's your height / weight HG1? Don't quit the junk food cold turkey. Get rid of the junk gradually and replace the junk with healthy foods. Buy a bunch of healthy foods that taste great like bananas, apples, watermelon. Go for a walk every day and consider lifting weights. You might need to talk to an endocrinologist about your hormone levels. Are you on TRT?

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          • #6
            I am in great shape: 5'10", 155 lbs., near life- long vegan. My work is very physical. 11% BMI.

            My ED is episodic, occurring about 30% of the time, and my lady and I still get things accomplished, one way or the other.

            When I wrote my op, as above, I was in a bad mood, and I overstated things, a bit. Yesterday, sex was great, and now I'm back to feeling good. Weird how that works.

            I would never try TRT. I think it's ill-advised to mess with hormones.

            Interesting things to note: I have borderline thrombocytopenia. I believe that has to do with my 80 mg/day aspirin use over the last thirty years. Along with that, there's amazingly conflicting research about aspirin and ED: 33% of the studies out there say aspirin causes ED, 33% say it helps fight it, and 33% say it has no effect! Only certainty, my blood is thin, as well as having a low platelet count. I bleed more than most if I get a cut. Correlate, maybe: When I'm in Colorado, at high altitudes, no ED episodes, whatsoever. At higher altitudes, your body produces more red blood cells. I think this thicker blood is more easily held by my Corpus Cavernosum. This also goes along with what I experience at sea level: Usually no trouble at all getting an erection. The trouble starts post-intromission. I hypothesize that my thin blood leaks out of my CC=good-bye erection, once I start working it.

            I tried the Kegel exercises on the hunch that maybe they'd help my CC hold in the blood. Only thing they did was give me painful post- ejaculation experiences.

            Ultimately, I believe modern science does not understand anywhere near what it thinks it does regarding ED. That's why I'm here: I hope to get better insight into the subject through everyone in here.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by HG1 View Post
              Ultimately, I believe modern science does not understand anywhere near what it thinks it does regarding ED. That's why I'm here: I hope to get better insight into the subject through everyone in here.
              Good to hear you're feeling better about things now. I agree, in general, about your comment about modern science and it's lacking understanding about ED. I'm part of that "modern science" and my work focuses more on the science of the future - usually 10-50 years into the future. There are many areas, of which sexual health is one, where some doctors will say we have it completely figured out - here take this drug, while people like me are thinking we have alot to learn, are just scratching the surface, and current medicines will probably all be replaced with something with a completely different mechanism of action in the not so distant future.

              In the old days of my career, we just pounded disease over the head with small molecule chemicals. We're now in the age of biologic therapeutics, which work better. But I think the future of medicine will put us in a completely different place - more along the lines of mind-body control and vibrational therapy based on off shoots of quantum theory. Amazingly, vibrational therapy is ancient but we never really understood how it works and really what we're doing. Just like we look at the medical science of 1890 as startlingly archaic, in the not too distant future we'll look at the medical science of 2020 as completely unenlightened.

              Forums like this are a treasure trove of useful information. Glad to have you here and hope you continue to share your insights.
              Start: BPEL 6.75', EG 5.8", BPFL 4.5", FG 4.7", BPFSL 7.0"
              05/2021: BPEL 7.65, EG 6.0, BPFL 5.8, FG 5.0", BPFSL 8.0"
              Goal: BPEL 8.0", EG 6.0", BPFL 5.75" FG 5.0", BPFSL 8.5"

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              • #8
                I'm glad you're here, as well. True intelligence does not always show up on the many online forums out there. I look forward to learning some very interesting things from you, in the future.

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                • #9
                  Last night, Mary and I had a go at it. I was exhausted from work, but "up for it." Post intromission, down he came. This time, I was acutely aware that my penis was getting pushed out by Mary's fat. Additionally, the size of her stomach made me have to bend my body at a pretty severe angle to accomplish entry. So, I tried something new: I pulled out, started jerking off, got hard, again, almost instantly, while I massaged Mary's big, hard clit, got her off, and then squirted my cum all over her labia.

                  Yeah, I'll again go along with the title of my op. I'm almost positive that, given the right woman with the right body, I'd have no problems doing the deed in fine style.

                  When I was younger, I used to yell at the Viagra TV commercials: "If you're not getting or staying hard, get a new woman!" Sadly, because I can't imagine life without Mary, now, I believe I was totally on the money, back then.

                  I wonder how many in here would resolve any and all of their ED issues if only they were with a different woman.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm actually surprised by the lack of comments in my thread, here. Maybe this forum is into a whole different trip than I am. From briefly scanning some topics, it seems this might be a forum for those who like to actively work on their penises, like to get into very different things/practices than what most know about.

                    Anyway, here's another ED experience I had, many years ago:

                    I went out with a practicing psychologist, for a few weeks. She was very good looking, kind of an aging hippie with very large, but sagging breasts.

                    This gal came out to my RV, when I was camping in a State Park. We rode our bikes around the trails, I cooked us a great feast, afterwards, and then we got into it. I noticed she had this terrible scar completely around her midriff, and then running down to her public area. It looked like she was wearing thong underwear made of dark red scar tissue. Sex was OK, but I was fired up by the novelty of a new woman. She left in the morning, after telling me to call her, soon.

                    Then, things got bad, with sex. In subsequent episodes, I found that I could not feel hardly anything, post intromission. My penis was like a clapper in a bell! No sensations equaled no erection. This happened with the next six attempts at sex, over a two week period. When I asked about her scar, she told me she had radical weight loss surgery. We soon parted company, with her telling me, "I'm taking my toys, and going home!" Since we were not using any devices, I figured she meant her body parts.

                    I meditated on my experience with her, and soon knew what had happened: This woman's "radical weight loss surgery" involved removing fat from the areas above and below that terrible scar she had. Ultimately, some idiot surgeon had removed all of the "cushion for the pushin'!!" Her vagina had become a mostly wide and hollow cavern! No wonder my erections faded almost immediately, post intromission.

                    So, this is the ED Forum, the above is another ED experience I had.

                    I'm looking for other similar life experience tales from guys, here. I am interested in ED experiences that can easily be attributed to one's partners, fair and square. Because the mantra in ED work seems to always be, "Never blame your partner," and I now have two distinct episodes where my experiences have shown me I can, in fact, blame my partner for my ED, I'm very curious if others have similar stories to tell.

                    Being honest: I have had over a hundered women in my life. While I have had a few episodes of very short-lived ED, with new women, fading relationships, and the like, I've mostly been an excellent lover, and a guy who normally had no problems in bed.

                    I'll hang around for a while longer, here. If others don't post here, I'll soon be gone, with no hard feelings, pun definitely intended!

                    As a guy who's hitting 70, next year, i am really itching to find a new sex partner to see if I still "have it," like I used to. My LTR, who has gained so much weight over the last two years to the point where she may soon be entering into the land of the morbidly obese, may be leaving, soon, and I am filled with trepidation, in truth, but curious what may still be out there, for me, on a positive level.

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                    • #11
                      Meh
                      Look I get the your partner has to be worth the trouble thing . But really you come across a bit narcissistic . If you want replies it may help to come across as in a different way .

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                      • #12
                        I'm not sure playing the blame game is the best way forward. I'm not sure of its benefits.

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                        • #13
                          The "blame game" is exactly what I attempted to explore, here, but maybe that was lost in the translation.

                          Yeah, I'll leave y'all to your various weird (to me) exercises, stretchings, etc.

                          Don't worry, I won't let the door hit me in the ass on my way out!

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